If you ever heard someone say the following out loud to someone else, they’d be considered a huge jerk, right?<\/p>\n
“You’re an idiot.”
\n“I can’t believe you messed up again.”
\n“You’ve gotten fat.”
\n“Why are you so lazy?”<\/p>\n
But how often do you say things like that… to yourself?<\/p>\n
If that is something you do, why do you talk like that to yourself? Maybe you\u2019re scared that if you don\u2019t, you\u2019ll never live up to your full potential. Or maybe you think you deserve it.<\/p>\n
Is that really true? And what would life be like if you were as compassionate to yourself as you are to people you care about?<\/p>\n
At first glance, self-criticism might seem to work really well in the short-term. When you make a mistake and you punish yourself for it, your disappointment prevents you from making that mistake again. Success.<\/p>\n
But what if you\u2019re in the middle of a big presentation and you make a mistake? Self-criticism keeps your attention on the mistake as you\u2019re trying to move forward.\u00a0When your focus splits like this, the more likely it\u2019ll be you\u2019ll make another mistake, which splits your focus even further<\/strong>. It\u2019s a downward spiral that\u2019s difficult to escape. And it can happen in any area of your life, not just work. Imagine this happening on a first date or in the middle of your workout class.<\/p>\n Even worse, it\u2019s not just limited to one area of your life, even if it starts out that way. The more you tell yourself you aren\u2019t pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, talented enough, good enough, etc., the more that gets ground into your subconscious.<\/p>\n Your subconscious mind is responsible for up to 95% of what the brain processes, including making sure your actions are consistent with your thoughts. So by telling your subconscious mind you aren\u2019t good enough too many times, you start to act that way as well in all areas of your life<\/strong>.<\/p>\n So what\u2019s the alternative?<\/p>\n Self-compassion is the practice of seeing yourself the same way you see your friends and family: as a person who deserves empathy, love, and care despite your flaws and mistakes.<\/p>\n In other words,\u00a0stop judging yourself so much<\/strong>!<\/p>\n It sounds so simple, but it\u2019s hard for us to overcome the fears that keep us tethered to self-criticism, like:<\/p>\n I\u2019ll screw up more if I let go of self-criticism<\/strong> Putting myself first is selfish or narcissistic<\/strong> I\u2019ll become lazy if I\u2019m not criticizing myself<\/strong> The most important thing to remember is that self-compassion is a process<\/strong>. It\u2019s not something that happens overnight, but a series of lifelong practices that are applied over and over as you continue to grow and become more confident.<\/p>\n The biggest benefit of self-compassion is that you\u2019ll find yourself a healthier, happier person. And it\u2019s not just because you\u2019re not telling yourself how terrible you are anymore.<\/p>\n When you start to focus on your needs and desires first, you see how much impact you can have on the world. You spend more time on what you care about and the things that make you feel great and less on what you\u2019re \u201csupposed to do,\u201d which makes you feel accomplished and engaged <\/strong>on a regular basis.<\/p>\n As you focus on your own needs and progress, you also spend less time comparing yourself to others. You realize that focusing on whether someone else is happier than you or more successful than you is only adding to your sense of lack. Self-compassion\u00a0helps you focus on how much you\u2019ve grown<\/strong>\u00a0rather than how amazing you could be if only you were more like someone else, which will never happen.<\/p>\n As good as all that sounds, transitioning to a self-compassion mindset can be a scary process if you\u2019re used to clinging to self-criticism. So how do you make that transition for yourself?<\/p>\n 1. Recognize the moments when you\u2019re being harsh toward yourself<\/strong>What is self-compassion?<\/h2>\n
\nPerfectionists often believe that with a little more effort, they can be perfect. But that\u2019s just not possible. So let go of that idea. All the energy and focus you put into being perfect is suddenly freed up for what you\u2019re actually doing, which makes it likely that over time you\u2019ll perform better. If nothing else, you\u2019ll enjoy what you\u2019re doing more, so you\u2019ll focus on how much you love what you\u2019re doing rather than on potential mistakes you\u2019re making.<\/p>\n
\nGiving yourself what you need and putting up boundaries allows you to do your best work and take care of the people you love more easily. It\u2019s just like using an oxygen mask on an airplane. If you put the oxygen mask on yourself first, you\u2019ll be conscious to put masks on other people who might need your help. If you put the mask on others first, you\u2019ll pass out and be left without oxygen.<\/p>\n
\nPracticing self-compassion means recognizing what you need. And part of what humans need is to feel like they\u2019re fulfilling their potential. It\u2019s difficult to do that while binge-watching TV. There might be periods of more rest and less doing, but at some point you\u2019ll want to get back up and start accomplishing again. You might even push yourself more when you practice self-compassion because now you don\u2019t have a voice in your head telling you you\u2019re not capable.<\/p>\nThe benefits of self-compassion<\/h2>\n
Show yourself some compassion<\/h2>\n
\nMost people don\u2019t realize how critical their inner dialog is because they\u2019re so used to it, they assume it\u2019s normal. When you actually voice those thoughts, that\u2019s when it hits you how harsh those thoughts are. So write down your thoughts and read them out loud as if you\u2019re reading them to a friend. Even when it\u2019s pretend, it\u2019s hard to believe the words that are coming out of your mouth. Seeing that is the first step to changing how you talk to yourself.<\/p>\n